I wish I could teleport
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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