I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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