My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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