Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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