i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
