I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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