big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
