I heard we made out
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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