How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
