god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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