Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
