she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
