And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize