If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This baby is an asshole
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
