Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
