see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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