remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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