It was confusing and full of hummus
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
