I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
