Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
