Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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