It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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