Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
