I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My penis needs a shock collar
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
