her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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