He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
