im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
