i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize