I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
