it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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