sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
