Me. At least after what I've been through.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
