it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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