I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
