i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
