It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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