Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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