The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
