Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
