Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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