Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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