Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
