If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
