I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize