Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
