Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
