The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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