just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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