Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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