so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
