the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
