Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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