I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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