I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
