dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
