I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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