We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
