I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
