walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
