going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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