Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
