so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
