Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
