I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
