um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No stitches, just platelets and will power
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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