ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
