BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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