he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
