Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
