we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
